Today I was having a chat with one of my girlfriends. We have often had a particular conversation about this guy who had taken interest in her. Whenever my girlfriends come to me about guys, I take the opportunity to analyze the situation. I listen objectively to see whether or not the guy is actually interested or if signs are being misread.
Since being at PBA for so long, I have become VERY aware of this whole "just friends" issue. The word "D.T.R" (Defining The Relationship) makes me shudder. It used to be a weekly occurrence that someone would come to me about a friendship that was misinterpreted. It happened all the time! I even noticed whenever I would spend time with a guy, they were constantly suspicious as to whether I thought more of our friendship than there actually was. I think what makes the situation worse is both party's inability to actually speak on the issue. Instead, I would just get awkward looks across the table or intentional separation (probably what I found most annoying). It was like guys just couldn't man up and say something! I once met a guy that would purposely forget a girl's name once he met her, just so that they would know that he had boundaries. I'm sorry, but that's a little degrading. Although I do understand his intent.
I have also been on the other side of this situation. I have misinterpreted friendships. I have read more in to it than there actually was. It makes you feel like such a loser and causes you to question your judgement.
Back to the friend.
So after analyzing the signs that this guy was giving, I determined that this guy was indeed interested her...better yet, flirting with her. She had not done anything to sway his feelings or encourage his actions. Yet he persisted in doing things like getting very close to her, wanting to spend time alone, getting jealous of her with other guys, telling her how cute she looks, treating her different from other girls etc... Dude was down for the count!...Or so it seemed.
Today she tells me that they had the dreaded D.T.R! During this D.T.R, the guy claims, to his utter horror and bewilderment, that he has NO idea that she liked him. He actually thought that they were just friends and nothing more. First, the guy is not gay. Second, what??? Come on!
That's it! I've had it with guys pulling this one!
Don't get me wrong, I can see how it's the girl's fault for reading too much in to it. However, I wave a HUGE pass in this situation because dude was NOT clear at all. All I'm saying is: Be up front. A little honest communication could have made the situation sting a lot less! I think Guys should definitely take the lead on being open and honest. Be aware of how your actions can be interpreted and don't just flirt just because it's something to do. Think about the fact that your intentions may not always be as clear to someone else as they are to you. D.T.R's can be a lot less painful if only people weren't to afraid of a little honesty. Sooner better than later. In not doing so, you risk the relationship all together.