Monday, August 27, 2012

Romance and Similar Observations #3

   Okay, so I realize It was been awhile since I last posted. I just don't know what it is about summer time that drains all of my blogging inspiration. It's probably because I actually have a life during the summer and much less so during the following seasons. Not to worry though, I shall not abandon my blogging duties this fall! Usually around this time I would start off with a summary of my summer, however; this summer was so...eventful, that I am actually still processing it. Once I do though, I will decide whether or not I have gleaned anything worth sharing with the masses!

    Thinking back to almost 2 years ago when I first started my "Romance and Similar Observations" series, I realize how much I did not know about Romance...and similar observations. It was completely reasonable to be a little terrified apprehensive about exploring the subject in real life. Dating, in real life is far from the fairy tale, Taylor Swiftian, Nicholas Sparkley, "Boy Meets World" (or whatever other 90's family sitcom you want to compare it long as it's NOT The Parkers).  It's not quite as simple as "Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy and then they live happily ever after". I might have skipped a few steps, but you get the general idea. No. In the real world there is a daunting entanglement of other options and ulterior motives and baggage and pride and people changing their minds. Like, what was I doing when dating got so complicated? Probably listening to Taylor I'm doing now (Thanks for nothing ). It's not that I have gained a large amount of experience or anything, I'm just a quick learner.

    One thing I've noticed when it comes to dating in the normal world, is the initial fight for the notorious "Upper hand". What is the "Upper hand", you ask? It's basically a competition to see who cares less. It's as simple is waiting for the other person to text first, pretending to not care (or actually not caring ) about something/someone or in extreme cases attempting to make the other person jealous. The fight for the "Upper hand" can get pretty vicious and eventually leads to the end of a relationship.
     So, why do people fight for it? Sheer, unadulterated pride. Have you ever watched a "Pride Battle"? Oh its like the sickest, saddest thing that you just can't stop watching, but it  ultimately ends in a Double K.O. (Thank you Street Fighter). Why? Because if you really think about it, the opposite of love isn't necessarily hate; it's pride. Not pride in a "self-respect" sort of way, but pride in a "I love myself more than I love you" sort of way. You see, pride and love do not co-exist very well. When loving another person, there is a mutual dedication to sacrifice for the good of the other person or relationship as a whole. *Notice I said mutual.* I heard somewhere that a relationship is not just a place to "get" something from, it's also a place to give. It takes a lot of humility to be able to do that.  It won't always be 50/50. I realize that sometimes the "what about me?" question has to be pushed to the background for awhile. Sacrifice is more of a 60/40, 80/20 thing, however; there is no love without sacrifice.

     Anyways, now that I've scared all the boys away....
I have to admit that the struggle for the "Upper hand" exhausts me. It's not a game I want to play. Life is tough enough as is. All of us struggle to stay on top one way or another, whether its at work, at school, financially, mentally or physically. At some point you want to stop the struggle, let go and perhaps have someone there to catch you after an incredibly long day.
The battle for the "Upper hand" ends when either one person walks away or just stops fighting for it. Personally, I have no problem letting the other person have the "Upper hand".... as long as I can trust them with it. It's not because I'm weak, but because I realize how futile it is and am confident enough in the person I'm with not to abuse it. I also realize that there is risk involved in doing so.
     At the end of the day, it should not matter. It's only as important as you make it I guess.
Clearly there is always something more to learn. I don't claim to know all the right answers, but can only say what I've learned so far. Let me know if you have any sage advice or interesting stories. I always enjoy hearing from my readers!