Tuesday, September 2, 2014


    If someone were to ask me what's the single biggest thing blocking peace and joy in my life; I would tell them that it's acceptance. I don't know if I ever realized this before, but acceptance is a major factor in the way I perceive negative things or events. It's no wonder its the last step in the stages of grief. It takes 4 other steps just to get there, and they all suck! It's strange to me how I landed on this resolution. I mean, you would think it would be positive thinking or philanthropy  that would lead me to a life of happiness, right? I do believe both of those are fundamental steps towards happiness, but for me; it's acceptance. 

    See, I have a HUGE problem accepting things. Thinking back, I've always had this problem, but never recognized it. If someone were to ask me how I deal with problems, I would honestly say I just avoid them...even if they already exist and are staring me in the face (or calling me 4 times a day because I missed a payment). They're right there in front of me, but I won't choose to accept them. I just dodge them as best as I can, until I have to deal with the consequences. NOW you see why this is a problem? A HUGE problem?!
    My "acceptance problem" applies to both little and big things. I refuse to accept the things that have happened and I refuse to let them go at the same time. Instead, I make a drawer in my mind of all the things that have happened to me that I can't change. Whenever something else bad happens, I just open that drawer and stuff it in there along with everything else. I go and visit that drawer whenever I'm feeling down. I look over all the other things that I can't change and can't accept, then I close the drawer until next time. The problem is....that drawer can get full and once it does all of my problems start spilling out in other places in my life. Places where they shouldn't be, like in my relationships, on my plate and in my wallet! It's so much easier to dwell upon and complain about your problems, than to move on from them. The scary thing is, some people live their ENTIRE lives like this. They get old, hardened and they let all the things they refuse to accept become who they are. It ends up eating away at their happiness and turning them into people they never wanted to be. I think if many people could learn to accept that things happened, accept that they can't change it and keep moving; it would free them in unimaginable ways! It would free ME in unimaginable ways.
   I don't usually write such personal posts, but I'm writing in hopes that this might help someone who has the same problem. At the very least, it keeps me accountable! As I'm growing older, I realize the world can be a cold place. Bad things can happen, no matter how much you try to protect yourself. This truth is hard for me to accept, but in accepting it, it makes me stronger. If you can relate, I pray that it makes you stronger too.