Saturday, March 26, 2011

Bible Funnies

 Most people don't recognize how much humor is sprinkled all over the Bible. Don't get me wrong, the Bible is to be reverenced. I mean, it is the word of God and everything. And, my my, can't it be funny at times! So, I'm going to share with you the few funny little things I find over time! This morning's "funny" will get us started, because it really does take the cake!

1. Galatians 5:12. Here, Paul is ranting about circumcision. If you don't already know, it was a big deal at the time. It was one of the things that divided "Moses following Jews" and "Jews for Jesus". Here goes:

"As for those agitators, I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate themselves" 

First of all, ROFL. Second if you don't get it, he's saying instead of arguing about circumcision, they should just cut their "special parts" off and shut their mouths.

2. Mark 9:22-23. This one goes without explaining. 

[ The man said to Him], "But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us"
Jesus says, "' If you can?" ( <-- Mocking this man because Duh- he's Jesus, what do you mean "If he can"?) 
"Everything is possible for him who believes."

3. Numbers 22:28. Balam's Donkey (a.k.a That Poor Donkey). So, this dude Balam is mindlessly riding his donkey down the street, when the donkey sees an angel! Like any intelligent creature, the donkey tries his darnedest to dodge this angel. But, noooo.  Balam doesn't have enough sense to trust an animals instincts, so you know what he does? He beats that poor donkey!  Well guess what, that donkey done had enough! So here's where the verse comes in:

Then the LORD opens the donkey's mouth ( Ahhhh SHOOOOOT) and the donkey yelled at said to Balam,

 " [ Hold up!] What have I done to you to make you beat me three times?" ( Personally, I imagine this donkey with a ghetto tone. If need be, you may imagine him as the character "donkey" from  Shrek.) 

Balam replies, "You have made a fool of me, if I had a sword in my hand right now, I would kill you" (WHOA! Take it eeeeeasy!)

The donkey replies (still in ghetto character) " [This fool done lost his mind!] Am I not your own donkey? The one you have always  ridden, to this day! Have I ever done this before?"

Balam simply says, "No". ( Uuuunh huh...I bet he feels real stupid right now.) 

Then the angel f the LORD appears...I'm pretty sure he'll think about it the next time he wants to pop off at that poor donkey. But donkey showed him, that's for sure!

4. Job 19:17. Sad, but just a little funny. Job is venting to the LORD when he says:

"My breath is offensive to my wife..." 

I'm ma need you to do something about that.

To Be continued.....

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