Thursday, June 2, 2011

The Best Whoopin' Story Never Told: Part I (Whoopins 101)

                      86003080, SuperStock /SuperStock 

          The other day I was having a conversation with my older brother about a time when we both got whoopins. Now, I believe that everyone should have a good whoopin' story, especially if you're black! Call it child abuse if you want to, but a parent should never hesitate to "spare the rod". I'll start this one off with some foundations in whoopin' etiquette. Let's call it "Whoopins 101".

1. There are a few differences between a "spanking" and a "whoopin'". A whoopin' evokes large rain drop sized tears along with deep feelings of guilt and physical pain. A spanking may produce some crocodile tears with thoughts like, "That was it?" or "Whew! Glad that's over...Quick! Remember to look sad...." A spanking is what most clever kids aim for.

2. You know you're getting a whoopin' when the parent is yelling with you. It may sound sort of like a, "Didn't. I. Tell. You. Not. To. Do (insert punishable action here) "

3. A Spanking is done with a small to average sized leather/pleather belt or a hand. A whoopin' is conducted with either a LARGE mens leather belt strap, a switch or anything within arms length of your parent. 

As a child I got plenty of spankings, but I was so terrified of that belt strap that I made sure we would never encounter each other! I am sad to say that we did encounter each other, two times actually. This brings me to the start of:
The Best Whoopin' Story Never Told.....


  1. I have experiences the pharse, "Didn't I Tell you..." that was my Dad's pharse for a whoopin'.

  2. Haha! I'm pretty sure parents read a book on what to say during whoopin's!

  3. thanks this is funny and i think you should share more of these good stories!!!!!!