Acceptance.

    If someone were to ask me what's the single biggest thing blocking peace and joy in my life; I would tell them that it's acceptance. I don't know if I ever realized this before, but acceptance is a major factor in the way I perceive negative things or events. It's no wonder its the last step in the stages of grief. It takes 4 other steps just to get there, and they all suck! It's strange to me how I landed on this resolution. I mean, you would think it would be positive thinking or philanthropy  that would lead me to a life of happiness, right? I do believe both of those are fundamental steps towards happiness, but for me; it's acceptance. 

    See, I have a HUGE problem accepting things. Thinking back, I've always had this problem, but never recognized it. If someone were to ask me how I deal with problems, I would honestly say I just avoid them...even if they already exist and are staring me in the face (or calling me 4 times a day because I missed a payment). They're right there in front of me, but I won't choose to accept them. I just dodge them as best as I can, until I have to deal with the consequences. NOW you see why this is a problem? A HUGE problem?!

    My "acceptance problem" applies to both little and big things. I refuse to accept the things that have happened and I refuse to let them go at the same time. Instead, I make a drawer in my mind of all the things that have happened to me that I can't change. Whenever something else bad happens, I just open that drawer and stuff it in there along with everything else. I go and visit that drawer whenever I'm feeling down. I look over all the other things that I can't change and can't accept, then I close the drawer until next time. The problem is....that drawer can get full and once it does all of my problems start spilling out in other places in my life. Places where they shouldn't be, like in my relationships, on my plate and in my wallet! It's so much easier to dwell upon and complain about your problems, than to move on from them. The scary thing is, some people live their ENTIRE lives like this. They get old, hardened and they let all the things they refuse to accept become who they are. It ends up eating away at their happiness and turning them into people they never wanted to be. I think if many people could learn to accept that things happened, accept that they can't change it and keep moving; it would free them in unimaginable ways! It would free ME in unimaginable ways.

   I don't usually write such personal posts, but I'm writing in hopes that this might help someone who has the same problem. At the very least, it keeps me accountable! As I'm growing older, I realize the world can be a cold place. Bad things can happen, no matter how much you try to protect yourself. This truth is hard for me to accept, but in accepting it, it makes me stronger. If you can relate, I pray that it makes you stronger too. 

I Wish People Would Stop Saying This About Sex...

   


        It has been many moons since I last wrote a blog post! Forgive me if I'm a little rusty, but I have to start somewhere, am I right? So naturally, the first subject of my return to the blogsphere is SEX (I bet I have your attention now)! Yeah, I know, shocking. Especially since I've never written about this subject. Rightfully so, it's so taboo and leaves the writer (me) vulnerable to a myriad of judgement and opinions. But recently, I became very irritated with a particular ideal about sex that really bugs me. It's a statement that has been made against premarital sex for too long now. Now before you get all " I can't believe she said that", let me explain.....
      Have you ever heard the phrase "Why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free"? Every time I hear it, I want to slap someone (usually the person who said it). First of all, I'm not a cow. Second of all, I am not to be bought. I feel this phrase is used far too often and is held as some kind of common truth, especially by good christian girls and boys (especially in the south) . As if by some magical power, subscribing to this ideal will have men throwing engagement rings at you and you'll be swimming in a pool of diamonds.
     I just wonder if someone ever stopped to think if this phrase ever insinuated the fact that a woman's "milk" is one of the most compelling factors for men to wed them. Don't get me wrong, I am 100% for waiting for marriage to have sex. I think it is the best and the right way to do things. Yet, I cannot dismiss the notion that "buying the cow to get the milk" boils down to sex being the most valuable thing a woman can offer a man. At the end of the day, I would want someone to desire to marry me because of the person I am, not what I can do for them. People should certainly have natural desires for the person they're with, but I do not believe it should proceed any emotional or spiritual connection. I feel that far too often a woman's value is in part defined by her sexual history. Throwing around phrases like "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free" only perpetuates this. I have to wonder even how men who use this phrase think about women as a whole. The phrase is not only an affront to women, but also a slight to males suggesting that their main motivation for having a woman is sex. It also suggests that they can not think or make decisions that are not influenced by sex.  Granted, this may be the case for plenty of men out here (lol).
       Call me naive, but at the end of the day, when you promise to have a future with another person, I believe it should because you truly love the person he/she is. Not because she wouldn't give you "the milk" unless you bought her, plus she's not crazy and she's cute... so why not? I'm just sayin'.