Why Nice Guys Get Put in "The Friend Zone"

"Nonthreatening Genitalia"

                                   Have you ever seen this before?

                                                          

     When I first saw this little "Nice Guy" advertisement I couldn't resist rolling my eyes. I thought, " Not ANOTHER guy complaining about being in the 'Friend Zone'"!  By way of another blog, I worked through this whole idea of the "Nice Guy" and why he just can't seem to ever finish first (poor thing). To keep it simple, this blog is to let you "Nice Guys" know what you're doing wrong...A little harsh, I know. But I appreciate you guys too much to let you finish last!

     If you're ever wanted to know why women like "Bad Boys", here it is: We actually don't. We like men who are brave enough not to muddle through life. We like me who are assertive and are not afraid to back down from a challenge. We like men who know what they want and aren't afraid to do what it takes to get it (within reason). It just so happens that "Bad Boys" are more comfortable being assertive and taking risks. That's not to say that that's what all women want, but I'll just let you do the math.

The quintessential "Nice guy" has been boiled down to three words:

-Passive

-Gentle-man

-Boring

By no means is this true, but with ideas like that floating around, no wonder nice guys finish last!

Here's the Problem: 

A "Nice Guy" is content to listen to a girl cry, vent and whine for hours...and hours...and hours. Spend way too much "quality time", wait on her hand and foot.... And then wonder why the girl doesn't see him as dating material. Do you see what's wrong with that picture? I have girlfriends for situations like those! If you can easily be replaced by a girl, don't wonder why you're in the friend zone...slap yourself!

      "Nice Guys" end up in the friend zone because they're too scared to to get out of the friend zone... Or they weren't assertive enough in the beginning to admit their intentions, hence the idea that "Nice Guys" are passive. The problem has nothing to do with the fact that you're shy (look guys, we know it's not easy). The problem is that you let something that you desperately wanted linger right before your eyes, within arms reach, and you didn't take a hold of it because you were too scared. Correct me if I'm wrong, but do "Bad Boys" have these problems? No. Because they see what they want, and they go for it (be it good or bad). So don't be upset if you're in the dreaded "Friend Zone", when you've conveniently positioned yourself there. And don't assume girls automatically know your intentions. 

    Don't go getting all bitter with women and turn into a player (we already know that's played out this year anyways) just because you never figured out how to grow a pair and approach the woman you actually want. 

     However, you should understand being a "Nice Guy" doesn't entitle you to women everywhere. Don't rank yourself in comparison to the lowest type of guys. Yeah, you're much better than Chris Brown, but that don't make you Tim Tebow or anything...

   Yes, rejection does happen. She just might not be interested and that's OK. I'm sure there are girls you're not interested in either. You just get back up and move forward. I know guy's ego's are fragile, but risk really can bring reward. 

In conclusion, "Nice Guys", you're fantastic! We really appreciate that there are men out there who still believe in respecting women and treating them right! So get out there and don't be afraid to ask for what you want! There are plenty of women who are waiting for a nice guy to sweep them off their feet. They want to start a fun and exciting journey with YOU...not a just "nice" journey. The friend zone is a completely appropriate zone....for friends. If you want more, don't waste your time and feelings. Be clear and seize the moments. Risk brings reward...most times....just don't be stupid. 

Romance and Similar Observations #2

 

          



         Oh romance, love, affection, mushy, gushy-ness...How you make me BARF! Lol, Just kidding! Ya'll know that if that were true I wouldn't be writing this blog. I have no interest in false emotions or virtual defense mechanisms! That stuff's for the birds. I'm just here to vent about my own personal situation. Let me start by saying, I'm not sad about being single! I would never trade in my time being single, it has been some of the most rich and fulfilling years...and years...and years of my life. Don't worry guys, I'm only 21 so the situation is only at caution level yellow. Actually...I'm almost 22, but no worries, still yellow....maybe its just because I like the color yellow.
        I've managed to almost go through my  entire college years, single. Since college is rumored to be a time for dating and relationships, I assumed that I would have a boyfriend after the 1st semester of college- Boy was I wrong!
    So, as a lonely college student with few friends and a limited social life, I did what any savvy, clueless, college student would do...I started an online dating account (you have no idea how much it shames me to admit this publicly. Shame upon me and my family). Anyways,as I read through many emails from men who had obviously not read my profile and ONLY looked at my picture, I came to two conclusions. #1. Most of the men on this site are probably psychologically unstable. (as a rule, I usually assume that everyone has at least 1 psychological disorder) and #2. Most people are shallow and they really only care about themselves. This may sound bitter, but I assure you, there is truth in that. Sure, I talked to a few guys, one stopped talking to me because I told him I made a turkey sandwich for dinner. My profile picture is of me cooking so I guess he assumed that I made gourmet dinners every night. To that I must say, "WTF?". Another guy I talked to ended up being, like, clinically depressed. He had a great personality, but crazy just can't hide itself. I'm talking to a British guy now...I'm sure it won't go anywhere. I know, "give it a chance" blah, blah, blah! There's no substitute for intuition guys. Lastly, I recently began talking to this great Christian guy who can draw, sing and dance! He's really nice, but you know what, It probably won't work out either, because good things just don't happen to me, romance-wise.  It's just what it is. I know, you're like "No Tanisha! Have hope!" To that I'd say, " Go ahead and put money on it! (No seriously, I NEED gas money!)"
      Ever since I can remember, guys have treated me like crap. Okay, maybe not like crap, but close to it. You know those girls that a guy goes out of their way to sweep off their feet? I'm not that girl. The most I can get is a half-assed (excuse the language, but there's no way to half-ass the word" half-ass")  attempt to be interested. I can be liked, appreciated, but never truly treasured. I once heard a quote that said, "To be known is to be loved and to be loved is to be known". I, want to be known. I'm talking about fully known by another person, like, past, present, future, uncensored, unashamed, fully and organically known. I want to never have to wonder if you think I'm awkward, weird, beautiful, incomparable or lovely. I don't want to even have to guess. I want my life to fall in to rhythm with your life as if we were never off beat! Lets get this straight, I don't expect any man to be perfect, flawless or even close to the infallible love that's in the Lord. I don't even want him to be! I'm so tired of hearing, " Be a better person! Be a better person and when you're good enough, love will be given to you!" Whether or not it's true, the frustration of not being able to share myself completely with another person persist.
In the meantime, I think I'll quit the online dating...maybe, and sink into the other issues I have in front of me. I will however, let you know how it goes with the British and Christian guy ;). Thanks for reading! I'll update you soon!
 For Now, Enjoy This:

And The Best Proposal EVER Award Goes to.......

                                                  Edward Rochester to Jane Eyre!!!!! 

Maybe I'm a little too sentimental, but wow, when I heard this proposal I 'bout jumped out of my seat! I won't lie...a few girly squeals did escape.And perhaps an "Awww!" or a "You get yo man girl!". It was Precious! TOO precious!

       The proposal takes place in the garden at night ( did someone say perfect scene? ) Jane thinks Mr. Rochester is about to marry someone else when he finally reveals his love for her! Which is as follows (more or less): 


       Edward Rochester:  I offer you my heart, my hand and a share of all my possessions.
I ask you to pass through life at my side, to be my second self and best earthly companion.
 My bride is here, because my equal is here and my likeness. Jane, will you marry me? 


       I love you as my own flesh!  I beg of you to marry me!  Say, "Edward, give me my name." Say,"Edward, I will marry you." 
 Jane, I must have you as my own, entirely as my own. Will you be mine? Accept me. Marry me....Make my happiness, I will make yours. 


If I get proposed to, someone's gotta step up their game. 






                                                    The standard has been set.....

Romance and Similar Observations #1

    I always take a few days to think before posting blogs such as this. I have so many thoughts and opinions about this subject that it's hard to focus on just one area. That is why I am making this a "blog series" (if that's not already a word, then It will be made official by yours truly). 
I don't get asked why I'm single by many people other than my mother. I assume its because it's:
(a) Obvious
(b) My friends know me too well
(c) People just don't care


     I think answer (a) is most likely. 
     Trust me, I get it. You know, I don't talk like other people, I'm a little nerdy, too self aware, maybe its because people treat me like I'm 16 (which,again, I understand. The round little nose, short stature, soft voice and chubs really do a great job in convincing people that I'm still in high school) . Whatever the case, I get it. 
I won't lie, I do occasionally cringe when I see the iconic "happy couple". You know, the ones so unaware of reality that you just want cut through their thick, nauseating cloud of oblivious romance.  I'm nauseous just thinking about it. 
    As I grow older, I realize that I don't look at love the same as I did when I was younger, naturally. I've seen enough to identify mistakes made over and over again. I can tell you who's relationship might have a chance and whose probably doesn't. What annoys me most is people who think they've accomplished something just because they've been together for over a year. Even worse, the ones who have completely dysfunctional relationships and think that somehow it will continue just because it has for years. In my opinion, whether a doomed relationship has lasted 1 year or 15; if you're not together the rest of your lives then you've wasted valuable time. Harsh, perhaps a little too black and white, but it's what I think. 
      Anyways, not to go too far off course, I am going to piggyback off of a fellow blogger's post about why she's single. Please realize that I am disillusioned to the idea that being in a relationship equals happiness. Though I might sound like a feminist, I will say that, though enjoyable, being in a relationship is not my goal in life. So, without further a'do, here are the real reasons why I'm single.
Why I'm Single:


1. Simply because I haven't met the right person.
2. Guys just don't get me.
3. Guys think about themselves too much.
4. I'm not ready to share that much of my life with another person.
5. "Love is too big, too honest, too brutal, and too heavy for me to fall into it now." Translation: I'm not ready.
6. I don't want anyone to see how messy my room is.
7. I haven't found anyone who loves John Mayer as much as I do (it's a deal breaker).
8. I'm pretty shy.
9. I have high standards.
10. Finally, I don't think I could honestly handle the blow of a failed relationship. Not at this point.


    There it is! The honest to goodness truth. Despite all of my jokes and comments with my girlfriends, the real truth is that I am so terrified of being in a relationship that I don't even want one! Wow! Such a wimp! I can sit and analyze another person's relationship all day 
long, but when it comes to my own I just sit in the corner like the nerdy kid at school! 
   Well, Until I'm ready to jump in the frigid waters, I'll bring you my observations in the meantime!  Trust me, I really don't mind.