Oh romance, love, affection, mushy, gushy-ness...How you make me BARF! Lol, Just kidding! Ya'll know that if that were true I wouldn't be writing this blog. I have no interest in false emotions or virtual defense mechanisms! That stuff's for the birds. I'm just here to vent about my own personal situation. Let me start by saying, I'm not sad about being single! I would never trade in my time being single, it has been some of the most rich and fulfilling years...and years...and years of my life. Don't worry guys, I'm only 21 so the situation is only at caution level yellow. Actually...I'm almost 22, but no worries, still yellow....maybe its just because I like the color yellow.
I've managed to almost go through my entire college years, single. Since college is rumored to be a time for dating and relationships, I assumed that I would have a boyfriend after the 1st semester of college- Boy was I wrong!
So, as a lonely college student with few friends and a limited social life, I did what any savvy, clueless, college student would do...I started an online dating account (you have no idea how much it shames me to admit this publicly. Shame upon me and my family). Anyways,as I read through many emails from men who had obviously not read my profile and ONLY looked at my picture, I came to two conclusions. #1. Most of the men on this site are probably psychologically unstable. (as a rule, I usually assume that everyone has at least 1 psychological disorder) and #2. Most people are shallow and they really only care about themselves. This may sound bitter, but I assure you, there is truth in that. Sure, I talked to a few guys, one stopped talking to me because I told him I made a turkey sandwich for dinner. My profile picture is of me cooking so I guess he assumed that I made gourmet dinners every night. To that I must say, "WTF?". Another guy I talked to ended up being, like, clinically depressed. He had a great personality, but crazy just can't hide itself. I'm talking to a British guy now...I'm sure it won't go anywhere. I know, "give it a chance" blah, blah, blah! There's no substitute for intuition guys. Lastly, I recently began talking to this great Christian guy who can draw, sing and dance! He's really nice, but you know what, It probably won't work out either, because good things just don't happen to me, romance-wise. It's just what it is. I know, you're like "No Tanisha! Have hope!" To that I'd say, " Go ahead and put money on it! (No seriously, I NEED gas money!)"
Ever since I can remember, guys have treated me like crap. Okay, maybe not like crap, but close to it. You know those girls that a guy goes out of their way to sweep off their feet? I'm not that girl. The most I can get is a half-assed (excuse the language, but there's no way to half-ass the word" half-ass") attempt to be interested. I can be liked, appreciated, but never truly treasured. I once heard a quote that said, "To be known is to be loved and to be loved is to be known". I, want to be known. I'm talking about fully known by another person, like, past, present, future, uncensored, unashamed, fully and organically known. I want to never have to wonder if you think I'm awkward, weird, beautiful, incomparable or lovely. I don't want to even have to guess. I want my life to fall in to rhythm with your life as if we were never off beat! Lets get this straight, I don't expect any man to be perfect, flawless or even close to the infallible love that's in the Lord. I don't even want him to be! I'm so tired of hearing, " Be a better person! Be a better person and when you're good enough, love will be given to you!" Whether or not it's true, the frustration of not being able to share myself completely with another person persist.
In the meantime, I think I'll quit the online dating...maybe, and sink into the other issues I have in front of me. I will however, let you know how it goes with the British and Christian guy ;). Thanks for reading! I'll update you soon!
For Now, Enjoy This:
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