I Don't Know Why I'm Still Laughing About This!

Scene takes place in the corridors of the art building. Discussion about arachnophobia suddenly emerges. Enter characters.....

Classmate 1: If you think about it, arachnophobia is pretty irrational.

Me: No its not!

Classmate 2: Well,  they're bigger than you.

Teacher: Yeah, but some spiders can kill you.

Classmate 2: Yeah, that's true

Me: I once heard of this spider in Iraq that if it bites you... you're dead!

Teacher: There's no antidote?

Me: Nope

Classmate 1: I once heard about these ants in the jungle that carried off an entire baby...

Me: *pauses*...what?

                                                  (cue eruption of laughter)

                                                           Scene Close

And The Best Proposal EVER Award Goes to.......

                                                  Edward Rochester to Jane Eyre!!!!! 

Maybe I'm a little too sentimental, but wow, when I heard this proposal I 'bout jumped out of my seat! I won't lie...a few girly squeals did escape.And perhaps an "Awww!" or a "You get yo man girl!". It was Precious! TOO precious!

       The proposal takes place in the garden at night ( did someone say perfect scene? ) Jane thinks Mr. Rochester is about to marry someone else when he finally reveals his love for her! Which is as follows (more or less): 


       Edward Rochester:  I offer you my heart, my hand and a share of all my possessions.
I ask you to pass through life at my side, to be my second self and best earthly companion.
 My bride is here, because my equal is here and my likeness. Jane, will you marry me? 


       I love you as my own flesh!  I beg of you to marry me!  Say, "Edward, give me my name." Say,"Edward, I will marry you." 
 Jane, I must have you as my own, entirely as my own. Will you be mine? Accept me. Marry me....Make my happiness, I will make yours. 


If I get proposed to, someone's gotta step up their game. 






                                                    The standard has been set.....

Racism in the Animal Kingdom: It's Real.

      If you'd have asked me a year ago whether I thought animals are racist, I would have laughed in your face! I would have told you, "Animals can't be racist". But now I know that indeed, animals can be racist. 
     It all began a few months ago when my mom observed certain exclusive behaviors amongst our three pets. I have one dog and two cats. 
       My favorite, Alex, what adopted from an animal shelter when I was 10. I was NOT a responsible ten year old when it came to pets. I used to swing poor little Alex around by his legs and throw him around. Please don't call animal services on me....Besides, Alex still loves me. Personally, I like to think that I'm his favorite too. 
      The second cat, Brownie, was adopted from a home in Sandy Springs. Brownie is my least favorite. It all started when we got her. She was so scared that she ran in to a hole in our wall and lived there for a week! When we finally got her out she peed all over our apartment carpet, wouldn't let me hold her and did I mention she peed all over our apartment carpet? To this day I still believe that she is a feral cat. 
      We got our dog Lacey last. We picked her up from the Humane Society for mother's day. She was smaller than Alex and SO STINKIN' CUTE! Lacey is a dumb, yet friendly addition to our family. She does have PTSD due to out neighbor's insane teenage son who used to shoot paint balls at her (smh). She is also deathly afraid of balloons. 
     Lacey and Alex have light brown fur, Brownie has a dark chocolate coat....see where I'm going with this? Lacey and Alex jump Brownie when we're not looking. Seriously, for some reason they both don't like her. Alex (The Thug) attacks her randomly, for no apparent reason. Lacey barks and nips at her whenever she looks at her. Yet Alex and Lacey have no problems with each other. They're pals! Through constant observation, I have determined that Alex and Lacey are indeed racists. 
      There are two ponds on campus here at the university. Everyone knows that where there are ponds, there are ducks. Almost all of the ducks at this pond are normal. They have green heads, brown feathers etc.... Except one. There is one white duck. I really don't know how that happened by the way. During my walks to class I often observe these ducks. I began to notice that the white duck was ALWAYS by itself. The other ducks stay in groups, while the white duck sits under a tree or behind a bush. They rarely fraternize. In fact, there was only one occasion where I saw the white duck even near the others. That, people, is clear and indisputable animal racism. 
     If you keep your eyes open, you will see it too. Don't let animals fool you with their little beady eyes and soft fur. Many of them are animal racists. You need to be aware of this when adopting and grouping animals. You may have a racist in the bunch without even knowing it....

I Don't Think I Was Prepared for This...

Today I was checking the status of an application I sent in. Before I could even see the results, this message appeared:

Admission to the [blank] has become increasingly competitive and selective over the last decade. If you find that you have been offered admission, please be sensitive to your friends and classmates to whom we may not have been able to extend the same offer. If, on the other hand, you learn that your application has been denied, please understand that [blank]  receives far more applications from competitive applicants than we can accommodate within our Board of Regents enrollment cap.

If you would like to discover your status here, please consider first whether you are in the best place to receive either good or bad news. If you are at a public computer in school, at a library, or your place of work, we advise that you either wait until you are at home with family members or else in an appropriately private location.

I don't know what their intentions were, but checking my status got like, 10 times scarier after I read this message! I felt like I needed an adult. Then it got me thinking, how many people have had public breakdowns just because they didn't get accepted? It must have been a lot to cause them to have to mentally and emotionally prepare students  for the result. I was SO not prepared to read this! 

The San Juan Theory

Perhaps the earliest rendering of A San Juan

    I'll admit it, I have a deep fascination with mystery and conspiracy. Some have even claimed that my imagination runs too wild. Granted, as a young sprout, I did read my fair share of Nancy Drew and Goosebumps books. I'm sure this contributed to my my need to be sucked in to quixotic mysteries. The whole Harry Potter/ Twilight phase didn't help either. But now, as an adult, I appreciate more sophisticated mysteries. No longer does Nancy Drew satiate my need for mystery. Indeed, I have moved on to bigger and better things, like the History Channel. Nothing pulls me in like a good episode of "Ancient Discoveries" or "Monster Quest"! While I still entertain certain conspiracies such as Drake being Barack Obama's illegitimate son, Barack Obama's brief and private affair with Oprah, the fact that Chris Brown and Keisha Cole are indeed the same person and finally, the channeling of Michael Jackson's spirit into Bruno Mars ( I mean...He kind of rose up pretty quick after Michael died); I have never been more sure about the mystery that I will expose to you in this blog. 
    Let me start by saying that this is no shallow theory. I have observed certain patterns over time. I have slowly collected data and tested the waters (pun intended). I have concluded that there are very legitimate grounds for my theory. This theory is as follows:


In every mid-sized to large body of water, there is an existing creature that is (a) mysterious and unknown or (b) unnaturally large; this creature is referred to as "A San Juan"

A San Juan that may be more familiar to the post modern human

     Let me explain. My theory began long ago when I went fishing in my fathers pond. There were mostly little fish, like what you would use to bate bigger fish. Nothing worth catching. Then, I spotted it....The San Juan. This fish was unnaturally large for such a small body of water. I tried by best to catch it, but it eluded me. 
My theory began to develop more when I was at my church's spring break trip. There was a small lake in which we would perform recreational activities. One day, as I was leisurely taking a swim, someone told me, "Don't swim over that hole!".  Naturally, I asked, "What hole"? Then  I realized.....that extremely large, dark spot at the bottom of the lake wasn't merely a "muddy spot"....It was a gaping cave of no return hole in which some baneful creature lived....It was where The San Juan lived.
     Fast Forward (I'll forgo telling you about the other minor incidents), I am in college at the beautiful PBA. We have what is called an Intercoastal waterway. I already had my suspicions. The water was always disquietingly murky. Eventually, my suspicions were validated. Some people had spotted a long,abnormal wake moving about the intercoastal which they called, "The Muck Monster". I was not fooled. It was The San Juan. 

Yes, this too is a San Juan

     Finally, there is the ocean. The ocean is a breeding ground for San Juans everywhere. And oh yes, there is a San Juan of the ocean. The story has been building up for years with legends of strange sea creatures and ancient drawings. There is a San Juan lurking in the shadows of the ocean floor. Just wait and see! 
You see people, the stories you hear of The Lochness Monster (probably the most famous San Juan), enormous squid and of strange river creatures are true! Keep your eyes open because I'm sticking to my guns on this one. There is always a San Juan lurking out there....