Acceptance.

    If someone were to ask me what's the single biggest thing blocking peace and joy in my life; I would tell them that it's acceptance. I don't know if I ever realized this before, but acceptance is a major factor in the way I perceive negative things or events. It's no wonder its the last step in the stages of grief. It takes 4 other steps just to get there, and they all suck! It's strange to me how I landed on this resolution. I mean, you would think it would be positive thinking or philanthropy  that would lead me to a life of happiness, right? I do believe both of those are fundamental steps towards happiness, but for me; it's acceptance. 

    See, I have a HUGE problem accepting things. Thinking back, I've always had this problem, but never recognized it. If someone were to ask me how I deal with problems, I would honestly say I just avoid them...even if they already exist and are staring me in the face (or calling me 4 times a day because I missed a payment). They're right there in front of me, but I won't choose to accept them. I just dodge them as best as I can, until I have to deal with the consequences. NOW you see why this is a problem? A HUGE problem?!

    My "acceptance problem" applies to both little and big things. I refuse to accept the things that have happened and I refuse to let them go at the same time. Instead, I make a drawer in my mind of all the things that have happened to me that I can't change. Whenever something else bad happens, I just open that drawer and stuff it in there along with everything else. I go and visit that drawer whenever I'm feeling down. I look over all the other things that I can't change and can't accept, then I close the drawer until next time. The problem is....that drawer can get full and once it does all of my problems start spilling out in other places in my life. Places where they shouldn't be, like in my relationships, on my plate and in my wallet! It's so much easier to dwell upon and complain about your problems, than to move on from them. The scary thing is, some people live their ENTIRE lives like this. They get old, hardened and they let all the things they refuse to accept become who they are. It ends up eating away at their happiness and turning them into people they never wanted to be. I think if many people could learn to accept that things happened, accept that they can't change it and keep moving; it would free them in unimaginable ways! It would free ME in unimaginable ways.

   I don't usually write such personal posts, but I'm writing in hopes that this might help someone who has the same problem. At the very least, it keeps me accountable! As I'm growing older, I realize the world can be a cold place. Bad things can happen, no matter how much you try to protect yourself. This truth is hard for me to accept, but in accepting it, it makes me stronger. If you can relate, I pray that it makes you stronger too. 

I Wish People Would Stop Saying This About Sex...

   


        It has been many moons since I last wrote a blog post! Forgive me if I'm a little rusty, but I have to start somewhere, am I right? So naturally, the first subject of my return to the blogsphere is SEX (I bet I have your attention now)! Yeah, I know, shocking. Especially since I've never written about this subject. Rightfully so, it's so taboo and leaves the writer (me) vulnerable to a myriad of judgement and opinions. But recently, I became very irritated with a particular ideal about sex that really bugs me. It's a statement that has been made against premarital sex for too long now. Now before you get all " I can't believe she said that", let me explain.....
      Have you ever heard the phrase "Why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free"? Every time I hear it, I want to slap someone (usually the person who said it). First of all, I'm not a cow. Second of all, I am not to be bought. I feel this phrase is used far too often and is held as some kind of common truth, especially by good christian girls and boys (especially in the south) . As if by some magical power, subscribing to this ideal will have men throwing engagement rings at you and you'll be swimming in a pool of diamonds.
     I just wonder if someone ever stopped to think if this phrase ever insinuated the fact that a woman's "milk" is one of the most compelling factors for men to wed them. Don't get me wrong, I am 100% for waiting for marriage to have sex. I think it is the best and the right way to do things. Yet, I cannot dismiss the notion that "buying the cow to get the milk" boils down to sex being the most valuable thing a woman can offer a man. At the end of the day, I would want someone to desire to marry me because of the person I am, not what I can do for them. People should certainly have natural desires for the person they're with, but I do not believe it should proceed any emotional or spiritual connection. I feel that far too often a woman's value is in part defined by her sexual history. Throwing around phrases like "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free" only perpetuates this. I have to wonder even how men who use this phrase think about women as a whole. The phrase is not only an affront to women, but also a slight to males suggesting that their main motivation for having a woman is sex. It also suggests that they can not think or make decisions that are not influenced by sex.  Granted, this may be the case for plenty of men out here (lol).
       Call me naive, but at the end of the day, when you promise to have a future with another person, I believe it should because you truly love the person he/she is. Not because she wouldn't give you "the milk" unless you bought her, plus she's not crazy and she's cute... so why not? I'm just sayin'.

My Autumn "To Do" List!

                           Autumn To Do List

Fall is finally here! It truly is the most wonderful time of the year (Christmas is clearly in denial). Therefore, I have made a list of things that, naturally, have to be done during this lovely season! I definitely welcome any friends to partake in these festivities with me because that's just makes it all the more wonderful! So please, if you see anything you'd like to do just let me know! I'm so excited to get the ball rolling on this "To Do" list!

        
   1. Go on a camping trip
               

                                                         

                        2. Get lost in a corn maze

                                                                                          

                                                       

             3. Eat a gourmet Caramel Apple

                                                                                        

        4. Bake a delicious fall treat from Pinterest

5. Make smores

6 .Go apple picking

                                                                                   

7.Go on a Hay Ride

                                                                               

8.Get out of the city and star gaze on a clear night

^I'm about that life^

9. Carve a pumpkin

                                                                           

10. Take my nephew trick-or-treating

Notes to My Future Husband

Okay guys, I've caught on to the "To my Future Husband/Wife" train....Perhaps a little late, but that's alright! Anyways, I found out that photo-blogging takes just as much time as regular blogging, if not more. I hope you enjoy some of my little notes!


                             Notes To My Future Husband

"Sista Props"

      Sometimes I sit and wonder why us women don't have a standard, secret code of communication. I mean, guys have a "Bro Code"! They have a set of generally unspoken rules that define what is or is not socially acceptable in the heterosexual male world. By no means am I suggesting we make up a "lady code" or anything, I mean, we're kind of above that. Besides, society places so many unspoken codes on us already there's just no need to make things more complicated. What I'm suggesting is that we give each other "Sista props". Yes, I do wish I could have come up with a cooler name for it, but I just can't at the moment. However, I'm open to suggestions.

     Every now and then, when I'm in public, I just want to stop and give some women some "Sista Props". Like, If I see a woman in public with her children and they're all well behaved, I just want to stop her and be like "That's right Mama!"...and give her an approving nod. "Sista Props" can even be extended to women of the same age. If I see a girl in public and she's out with a good, honest, stand-up guy, I feel like it should be socially acceptable to give her an covert " Go 'head girl", accompanied with a wink and perhaps even a fist bump...as long as it goes unseen. I also love to give "Sista Props" out when I see older or "curvy" women out running! Sometimes I feel the deep desire to yell a solid "Whooooo! Get It" out my car window when I pass them by.....but I realize that might be startling, so I don't.
    Anywho, I think that it should now be completely socially acceptable to give discrete "Sista Props" out to other women in public. I mean, Michelle Obama gets MAJOR "Sista Props" from me all the time, I don't see why other women shouldn't. A little public encouragement from woman to woman might strengthen the sisterhood, instead of perpetuating competition.....Just a thought!

10 Things I Wish I Would Have Told Myself 4yrs Ago.

     School is back in session! Well, for most of you it has been for a few weeks now. While many of you have already graduated, I am suited up for another year of college life! I don't mind though, I look forward to spending more time at this place. Starting my last fall semester as an undergrad got me thinking back to 4 years ago when I started out as a little freshman. It's crazy how so much changes within the span of four years, isn't it? Some of you are still finishing up college, some of you are working on masters degrees, some of you are traveling the world, some of you are married or planning a wedding and some of you are expecting your first little one! It amazes me how much time can change everything! Thinking back to when I was a college freshman, I can't help but notice the ways that I've changed as well. That is why I came up with a list of 10 things I wish I would have told myself 4 years ago. I hope this will make some of you laugh and remind others of you to live your life to the fullest!

10. Tsunamis occur FAR less often on the southern Florida coast than you think.
I spent an unspeakable amount of time in my freshman year thinking that a tsunami would suddenly occur. I seriously thought that at some random moment, while I was laying in the sand, a 50ft tall wave was going to randomly come crashing on the shore. I spent so much time fearing that this would happen, that I scarcely got in the water! I can't believe how irrational I was, nor can I believe how many great beach days were tainted by my fear of this impending tsunami.

9. Stay AWAY from the Mountain Dew!
Mountain Dew is like the crack cocaine of the soda world! It's SO addictive and SO bad for you! I solely blame Mountain Dew for the awful freshman fifteen...that never went away. Seriously people, Mountain Dew is the glue that binds your fat together in all the wrong places! Every time I would drink it, I would get this sick rush, like a drug addict! It was SO good! But never again folks, never again...

8.Don't be so awkward.
I'm not sure if you know this by now but...I'm awkward. Not all the time but, more often than I'd like. Awkwardness can be useful at times...I can't think of any examples right now but....I'm sure there's at least one....Maybe. Anyways, in a small Christian college environment, awkwardness is hastily equated to flirting. I never quite figured out "Small Christian College Boy Etiquette". I'm still not sure if you're supposed to completely ignore them, be reserved, yet friendly, or just be super friendly. I suppose my confusion contributed to my awkwardness but, nothing runs guy friends off like the assumption that you're flirting with them. I wish I was more suave!

7. Travel More. 
It's so much easier to travel when you don't have to pay for it out of pocket! I wish I would have done Study Abroad of gone on a mission trip while I was younger. It seems so much harder now. If you have the opportunity to travel, go for it! The experience is invaluable!

6. It's okay not to be okay.
I spent so much time in my early college years pretending to be all "sunshine and flowers". It's not that I was gloomy and full of angst, but I feel that I tried too hard to hide the side of me that was hurting. If I would have realized that it was okay not to be okay, I would have been a lot more okay with myself too.

5. Talk Less.
There are those numerous times where my mouth ran way too much about all the wrong things! Sometimes it's best not to be over opinionated and judgmental. Your first thought isn't always the right one. Sometimes you shouldn't speak until you've had time to think on the matter. I can remember plenty of times I've said things that I seriously regret. Talking less and listening more can truly save you a lot of trouble.

4. Be Honest. 
Being honest with yourself and others can really go a long way. Being honest with yourself creates a better understanding of yourself, in turn making you more comfortable with who you are and who you are not. I also wish I was more honest with myself when I knew It was time to walk away from something. It turned what would have been good experiences, into negative ones. I should have saved myself the time.
Being honest with others will save you a lot of trouble as well. There are so many times that I smiled and went along with things that I really didn't want to do. Consequently, it made me resentful towards other people when it really is not their fault, it's mine for not being honest to begin with. A lot of times I harbored negative feelings toward people when all I really needed to do was be honest and tell them what was up.

3. Don't be afraid.
I'm such a scardy cat sometimes. I mean, when it comes to reasonable things like riding roller coasters or walking down dark alleys at night, I consider fear to be a healthy emotion. When it comes to walking to the beach at night, taking challenging classes or simply just jumping in the water: fear is inhibiting. Conquering the fear and taking advantage of those moments that really count make for the best memories.

2.Don't always take the safest path.
Sometimes I sit and wonder how my life would have been had I not chosen the safe path. I realize that the dangerous path is what stretches you and grows you. It's what makes you flourish. For so long, I was comfortable with the ideal, safe path. Now I realize that things don't always have to go perfectly for them to actually work out. Life is too short to always take the safe road. Sometimes you have to drive through a storm or two. So, if you happen to be at the crossroads, take a (reasonable) risk.

1. Love every moment.
Life is an accumulation of moments. Some of these moments are great opportunities, some just suck and some are once in a lifetime. Either way, love the moment to the fullest because it probably won't come back around again. So whether your favorite song is on, you're laughing your behind off, crying your eyes out or just doing your homework (trust me, you will probably miss that someday too), live it up!

Romance and Similar Observations #3

   
   Okay, so I realize It was been awhile since I last posted. I just don't know what it is about summer time that drains all of my blogging inspiration. It's probably because I actually have a life during the summer and much less so during the following seasons. Not to worry though, I shall not abandon my blogging duties this fall! Usually around this time I would start off with a summary of my summer, however; this summer was so...eventful, that I am actually still processing it. Once I do though, I will decide whether or not I have gleaned anything worth sharing with the masses!

    Thinking back to almost 2 years ago when I first started my "Romance and Similar Observations" series, I realize how much I did not know about Romance...and similar observations. It was completely reasonable to be a little terrified apprehensive about exploring the subject in real life. Dating, in real life is far from the fairy tale, Taylor Swiftian, Nicholas Sparkley, "Boy Meets World" (or whatever other 90's family sitcom you want to compare it to....as long as it's NOT The Parkers).  It's not quite as simple as "Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy and then they live happily ever after". I might have skipped a few steps, but you get the general idea. No. In the real world there is a daunting entanglement of other options and ulterior motives and baggage and pride and people changing their minds. Like, what was I doing when dating got so complicated? Probably listening to Taylor Swift....like I'm doing now (Thanks for nothing ). It's not that I have gained a large amount of experience or anything, I'm just a quick learner.

    One thing I've noticed when it comes to dating in the normal world, is the initial fight for the notorious "Upper hand". What is the "Upper hand", you ask? It's basically a competition to see who cares less. It's as simple is waiting for the other person to text first, pretending to not care (or actually not caring ) about something/someone or in extreme cases attempting to make the other person jealous. The fight for the "Upper hand" can get pretty vicious and eventually leads to the end of a relationship.
     So, why do people fight for it? Sheer, unadulterated pride. Have you ever watched a "Pride Battle"? Oh its like the sickest, saddest thing that you just can't stop watching, but it  ultimately ends in a Double K.O. (Thank you Street Fighter). Why? Because if you really think about it, the opposite of love isn't necessarily hate; it's pride. Not pride in a "self-respect" sort of way, but pride in a "I love myself more than I love you" sort of way. You see, pride and love do not co-exist very well. When loving another person, there is a mutual dedication to sacrifice for the good of the other person or relationship as a whole. *Notice I said mutual.* I heard somewhere that a relationship is not just a place to "get" something from, it's also a place to give. It takes a lot of humility to be able to do that.  It won't always be 50/50. I realize that sometimes the "what about me?" question has to be pushed to the background for awhile. Sacrifice is more of a 60/40, 80/20 thing, however; there is no love without sacrifice.

     Anyways, now that I've scared all the boys away....
I have to admit that the struggle for the "Upper hand" exhausts me. It's not a game I want to play. Life is tough enough as is. All of us struggle to stay on top one way or another, whether its at work, at school, financially, mentally or physically. At some point you want to stop the struggle, let go and perhaps have someone there to catch you after an incredibly long day.
The battle for the "Upper hand" ends when either one person walks away or just stops fighting for it. Personally, I have no problem letting the other person have the "Upper hand".... as long as I can trust them with it. It's not because I'm weak, but because I realize how futile it is and am confident enough in the person I'm with not to abuse it. I also realize that there is risk involved in doing so.
     At the end of the day, it should not matter. It's only as important as you make it I guess.
Clearly there is always something more to learn. I don't claim to know all the right answers, but can only say what I've learned so far. Let me know if you have any sage advice or interesting stories. I always enjoy hearing from my readers!